Operation Bikini

OK Operation Bikini has started with vengeance here in Spain.

Gym memberships increase in April/May as opposed
to in the UK when gym memberships increase in Jan.



OK, I've accepted I'm never going to have a peachy bum
like this, but a girl can dream can't she?



Everyone is getting bikini ready



OK, here are the diet rules I attest to. Please bear in mind when 
reading them that I have the willpower of a gnat, and 
the metabolism of a DEAD slug.



Peach Bellini's .................




and  Blackberry Mojito's count as fruit.




Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the
biscuit causes the calories to leak out



If you eat standing up, food has no calories due to
gravity



Food eaten for medical purposes does NOT count
e.g chocolate, toast slathered with butter, cheesecake
and Vodka




Food eaten from someone else's plate has no fat.
Well really, the calories belong to the other person.....don't they?



When you eat with others, calories don't count
if you don't eat more than they do




While you are cooking, food licked from knives
and forks has no fat




If no-one sees you eat something, 
it has no calories




My fav tip!!


Jokes aside, share with us a tip that
enables you to get bikini ready.



p.s Please forgive me for not being very active on the blogoshpere. The BIG pack has started in earnest 
Trust me, it's no fun when the temperatures are 45ºC/115ºF most days.


27 comments:

  1. My metabolism is exactly the same as is getting slower as I get older!

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  2. Oh my dearest Vanessa wishing you success and a bit cooler weather for all your packing and moving. As for bikini ready tip ~ I'm trying to embrace the one piece and that is even pushing it ..lol... But the days that I did wear a bikini, I would avoid breads, sugary things and drink lots of water with lemon for a few days prior.

    One tip that I have yet to master is go on to that beach with confidence! When in Cuba earlier this year there were a group of ladies of a certain age and some were very healthy ...but they all wore bikinis and enjoyed their time at the beach. Moi sitting under the beach umbrella - one piece swim suit and a cover up..

    Gosh I miss those days of tossing a bikini in the car and heading to the beach with friends. Soon... I know ... it will be that way again... xo C. HHL

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    1. I know what you mean Celia about confidence. I just don't have bikini confidence even though I live in a country where all sizes are embraced on the beach. It's just a personal thing I guess. Of course Sweets, your days of tossing your bikini in the car and heading out to the beach get nearer every day xx

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  3. A bikini! - Eeeek! There's more chance of me scaling Everest. However, I can definitely attest to the fact that reducing carbs also reduces my waistline! best of luck with your packing Vanessa! xx

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    1. Yes, wheat does it for me SK. As soon as I start eating bread I start resembling the Michelin man's twin brother ;-)

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  4. My metabolism has always been in the toilet!
    I stick rigidly to 1000 calories a day and it starts to shift off after a few weeks. Love your fruit option.

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    1. Yes Tabs, that 1,000 number has haunted me for years ;-)

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  5. We're having the same heat as you. It's awful.

    I was at the pool today in a one-piece. I have a takini, but I've gained more weight than I like to look in it so I'm on an exercise/watching calories plan right now.

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    1. If you're like me Leigh, I always start "operation bikini" way too late; like when I have 4 days left for my holiday. I never learn. Have a lovely summer Sweets

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  6. This is one of the funnest most creative blog posts I've seen in a while. It's so unfair how difficult it is to actually attain a beach body. I'm doing Dukan Diet which starts with only protein for a week. There is no joy in that so I have to find my joy elsewhere. But I do cheat on wine and vodka once in a while because a gal needs a little bit of a vice....thus, no bikini bod for me :(
    xo
    Sharon

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    1. I tried the Dukan last year Sharon, but I just couldn't handle the first week or two with no fruit. That was a real no-no for me. So now when I want to drop some pounds I do Jason Vale's juicing programme. I think you would love it xx

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  7. Oh gosh :-) I will never look like that either!!! But I'm learning that it's totally OK. :-) I can still wear a bikini on my chubby self and feel beautiful and free. Well, I can unless it's just before "that" time of month. Then I feel like I ought to wear a mumu. :-)

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  8. Great post Vanessa...me, I'm a swimsuit fan ;-)
    Have a lovely week...enjoy the margarita!
    Catherine
    xx

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    1. I am now too Sweets. I just have to accept a bikini is not going to happen again anytime soon ;-)
      xx

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  9. Gorgeous girl, at first I was like that's V- (me staring at first picture) I was like WOW! Anyhow gorgeous girl, I doubt I will look anything like that either, those summer drinks are so delectable in this heat... and as you know me i'd rather be tucking into some calorific bites than work out!
    The lights in the fridge pic made me chuckle - purely because the man and I are also enduring some heat too here - we opened the freezer at 4am last night and tucked into a bucket of icecream then went back to bed again.

    Good luck with the pack V - am due back September sometime - thinking of Kettners already!

    S x.o.x.o

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    1. Definitely NOT me Sandee. I don't know about a peachy bum-more like a bloody big water-melon xx

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  10. Ugh, I packed (and moved) last year in the 108 degree heat, so I feel your pain. But as the great proverb says, that's what margaritas are for.

    Bikini ready = big sarong to wear on the lower half.

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    1. LOL! Yes sarongs always do the trick x

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  11. Hi Vanessa, I know the heat is awful, who feels like doing anything. This post cracked me up....your so funny. We'll I don't have a slow metabolism, I think mines too fast. Which is a problem too.....very hard to hold on to the 105 lbs I am. I know what your thinking "How can she complain"....but it's bad too. I would not wear a bikini because I'm too skinny. Would love to look like the girls in the pic too. So many people say to me....Will you go eat a burger please. :(
    Over weight or under weight it all stinks. No happy medium.
    Dee xx

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    1. It's true Dee, but I would much rather be in your shoes, than mine xx

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  12. This post is pure torture! haha I`d like my bum to look like the first photo, but how can I resist that cup of chocolate in the other photo, you are so cruel, I know I can`t have both at the same time, so which to give up bowls of chocolate for a perfect bum, not so easy.
    :)
    mikky
    www.todaloos.com

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  13. That´s my diet for the operation bikni!!!! I love how calories don´t count when you eat from another plate!!!! this is what I always think when eating all my kid´s leftovers!!!!
    Fun post! I liked it!

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  14. Hey darlin, how have you been? I am sad to be back from holiday but happy to catch up with my favourite blogs again :)
    Ohmygosh, I can't believe that I didn't realise you were from Seville because I was there 2 weeks ago and we could have met up! Awww Darn :(
    Awesome diet, one I HAVE to write down and strictly follow, I am only going to eat standing up from now on, haha

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  15. Thanks for your reply...I know, I am so disappointed about that, but you are so lucky to live in Seville, its truly beautiful. I went to watch Flamenco dancers in one of the theaters, they were phenomenal!

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  16. The heat has been unbelievable in NC, but nothing that a bite of chocolate and a Mojito can't cure...happy Friday!

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  17. Wow..she has some behind!!! and these quotes are so hilarious! Thanks for sharing and making me laugh! Hope you are having a wonderful day!
    -Jyoti
    Style-Delights Blog

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