As most of you know, I left Spain to move back to the UK
this summer.
I principally came back to look after my sick and elderly Dad
who was more sick than I could have ever imagined.
I am not an only child, I have a sister who lives 10 minutes
away from my Dad. But that's a story for another day.
I'm loving being back in London.
But something else is overwhelming me.
I've realised my life has been "hijacked".
I can't make plans as there is always
an urgent medical appointment that needs to
be squeezed in.
My life no longer has a timetable. Those of
you who know me, know how my life is scheduled
with military precision.
Suddenly the only timetables are
those surrounding my Dad.
It's dawning on me what a huge undertaking
I am now part of.
Please don't get me wrong, I am so
pleased I came back when I did.
But being surrounded by someone old and very sick
has started to fill me with dread and fear about my own
old-age.
I've lost my mojo, my creativity, my optimism
for life.
I've lost my freedom, my passion ,
my vision for my business,
my spontaneity, my sparkle
Nobody told me it would be like this.
Everybody just told me I was doing the right thing.
I'm trying to focus everyday on all that I DO have
........ the most wonderful husband,
friends and faith that are all keeping me on the
right side of the Vodka bottle ;-)
Please don't think I have been ignoring you all
(this is the longest I've been AWOL from
blogland).
I just need more time than I thought to
adapt to my new responsibilities.
OK........now where's that Vodka bottle?
Dearest Vanessa, change and all that comes with it can be and often is overwhelming - even when we made the decision, prepared and executed the change. Life happens as we are distracted making plans. Between the move and facing the reality of your father's illness, there is sure to be a basket full of emotions that will sort themselves out.
ReplyDeleteYou my dear friend are stronger than you know! remember HE never gives us more than we are able to handle ~ even when to us it's overwhelming ... you are growing... preparing for what life has planned for you next. Try to find a little silver lining in each day - it's there I promise :) ... much love and blessings to you, C. (HHL)
TYSM dear friend. I'm feeling much better this week and I know your wonderful words of inspiration from a woman who "knows" has certainly helped me. xx
DeleteMy name is aido Marian, I have been frustrated
Deletefor the past 2years with my two kids living without my
husband who surprisingly left home with a girl named Sarah
One faithful day a friend of mine came visiting and I told her
about the situation I am in for the past two years, she then
told me about Dr moore. That he is a very powerful man, at
first I never wanted to believe her because I have spent a lot
going to different places but she convinced me so I had no
choice because I really need my husband back. So we
contacted Dr moore who told me all I needed to do which I
doubted. But the greatest joy in me today is that Dr moore
was able to bring my husband back to me and now we are
living happily as never before. Thanks to you Dr moore. If
you have problems of any kind I will advice you to contact
him with this Email (Dr.Moorespellhome@hotmail.com) and
you will never regret it. Thanks to you Dr moore
You can contact him if you have any problem like
If you want to be cure in any diseases
If you want to get a good job
if you want to get back to your ex lover
if you need help in finding missing person:
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Hi Vanessa, I can only imagine how difficult your situation is, went through something similar a few years back and it can be very taxing and also very heart-breaking, seeing someone ill all the time makes us value our own health but also makes us feel saddened. You most certainly did the best thing by moving back, its so selfless and considerate of you, I know not many people would be that self-sacrificing. You are truly strong and compassionate and for that I take my hat off to you. Wishing you well my dear
ReplyDeleteTYSM Sweets. xx
DeleteOh Vanessa, I'm so sorry. I"m an only child, and my mom is in decent health right, but I know what you are going through. I have a friend who is in a similar situation, too. You are in my thoughts. Leigh
ReplyDeleteTYSM Leigh. I was having a "pity-party" on Saturday, but feel much better today ;-)
DeleteAw, what big changes and challenges you are facing, I had planned to do the same for my dad but felt cheated as between his diagnosis and death it was exactly 7 days, rather than the 6 months they promised. I went back to London to pack up all my things and he died, I was so distraught that I hadn't been there.
ReplyDeleteI have started worrying about my old age now and money and how/where we'll live, I never thought of these things before but I've seen my mums chums being shuttled off to to homes etc and I feel a sense of panic, being in that sort of milieu must be doing the same to you. Your life must seem as if it is on pause and that you have no control anymore, these are tough times to get through in life, don't worry about blogging, pop in when you can or just to let it all out from time time.
Big hugs V.x
Yes, that has been a big eye-opener for me-old age. Finding it all very daunting just thinking about it. I guess I should do what Hubs says and just enjoy the "now" as that's all we really have. It's true :-)
DeleteTYSM for your lovely words Tabs xx
Oh dear sounds like you have really lost your way but take comfort in how grateful your Dad must be for all you are doing for him. There is no greater gift than caring for somebody else and your Daddy is a very lucky man to have you. You will get the "old" you back, it may take time but it will happen xx
ReplyDeleteTYSM Sharon. I was having a "pity-party" on Saturday, but feel much better today ;-)
DeleteI am sorry to hear of your Dad's illness and how hard it must be for you -- you're right, it kinda just takes over your life. But take heart, your actions and sincerity will be rewarded one day. Blessings. xx
ReplyDeleteTYSM Sweets. I was having a "pity-party" on Saturday, but feel much better today ;-)
DeleteSweetheart, I could have almost written this myself - apart from the moving from country to country - I so understand.
ReplyDeleteYou've been on my mind this week funnily enough, I've been wondering how your return was going. Want to meet for lunch or a long coffee, I would be more than happy to listen for as long as you want to talk. Just let me know, I'd love to meet up Xx
Hi Sweets. Thought of you also with the return of SCD. I will e.mail so we can set something up. I would so love to meet with you xx
DeleteOh Vanessa, I am so sorry to hear that your dad is unwell and that you are going through such a hard time. I lost my mom suddenly a few years ago and it sounds terrible but I was so glad that she went quickly. I'm sure we can all sympathise a little with what you are going through... hang in there, it will get better, your mojo will return and you will be back to your old self. Fingers and toes crossed for you...
ReplyDeleteTYSM Megan. I was having a "pity-party" on Saturday, but feel much better this week. It just consumes me at the most inopportune times xx
DeleteDarling Vanessa.
ReplyDeleteI so feel for you. Although everyone's experience is different, I do know some of what you are going through. My parents moved back home to Michigan about three years ago because my mom was ill with Alzheimer and my world changed. I never said anything to anyone in twitter or blogland. They lived with me for that first year when they came back (in my previous house). I went from being a busy, self-contained woman with a schedule to a woman who now cared and worried about her parents. I found it difficult to create and work in my studio. It's a life change that is not easy to cope with, I so know.
Because we were selling that house last year, my parents moved near my brother, about an hour away. I took last August off of the blog and only said it was because of the move (we had leased the condo that we were living in before purchasing this house). The part I didn't say was that my life was falling apart .. mom was gravely ill. A week after we moved from that house last August to the condo, my mom died. I never said anything to anyone except @shocolaateshop, and I only mentioned it to her becuase she had lost her dad at the very same time and was feeling devastated. I so needed that time off .. I didn't know how to mix Ooh La Frou Frou, which is a happy place, with what I was going through ... how do you mix grief and Ooh La Frou Frou? I took that month off but actually needed much, much more, so take all the time you need, my love, we'll still be here. My mom was in her 80's and so is my dad. It's been a year now since she passed and my dad has been alone and it's been difficult for him. My dad still lives near my brother right now but spends about half his time here with me at the new house.
It's an emotional load to see parents older and frailer ... and it makes you long for the days when they were robust and you didn't worry everyday about them. I so hear that same stress in your voice. Please know I'm here for you anytime you need to talk. It does get better, sweet. I know it doesn't seem so, but it will. And this time with your dad, even though different because he is ill, will be something that you will be glad that you had. Much love, Vanessa .. and stay away from that Vodka bottle! ;) ~xoSandy
SANDY M Illustration
http://oohlafroufrou.blogspot.com
OMG Sandy! I have no idea what you were going through, especially as in the blog interview you did you mentioned your Mum was your inspiration. It's devastating isn't it. As you know I lost my Mum when I was 25, but I am finding this a little harder as all the responsibility is on me. However, I feel much better than I did when wrote the blog post. TYSM for your words of comfort Sandy. I can't imagine how devastating it must be to see a loved one go through Alzheimers; in some ways I think it can be worse than seeing a loved one go through another kind of illness. I think Alzheimers is such a cruel illness for the family witnessing it (as usually the patient has no idea what's going on). xx
DeleteHey V,
ReplyDeleteI really feel for you, and I know how you must feel with someone you care about be so poorly...
Just hang in there lady, you're a super strong woman and things will eventually change.
x.o.x.o
I'm getting there Angel. Just felt like having a "pity-party" ;-)
DeleteOh Vanessa, these are big changes for you. I'm sure your dad appreciates what you are doing for him. I've been in the same situation and it's tough. Just try and take it one day at a time, because it can get too overwhelming when you try to look ahead too far.Do what you can manage and give yourself a break now and then. Hang in there and you will find yourself adapting to your situation, then it won't seem like such an upheaval. Thinking good thoughts for you! xx
ReplyDeleteTYSM SK. I think that's the key as you say; just take one day at a time. I'm "training" myself to do just that and also making time for meditating etc, and it seems to be working. It's when I just thinking long-term that I get myself tied up in knots.
DeleteTY for your lovely words of reassurance xx
Dear Vanessa,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed. I have been through this – I lost both my parents three years ago.
If you haven’t done so already, the first thing to do is call Social Services.
If your Dad is very ill and needs lots of care, Social Services have a responsibility towards him. You are not on your own with this.
To start, push to have someone from Social Services come round and assess the situation. If your Dad is very ill / disabled, he will be allocated a Care Manager who will be responsible for assessing his care needs, creating a care plan and providing the money, people and equipment needed to make sure he gets the care he needs.
It costs a lot of money to look after an elderly person in a care home, and Social Services would rather the caring was done in the home by a relative – it’s cheaper.
This is all very well for Social Services as they make huge financial savings, - thousands and thousands of pounds - but as you are finding out there is a huge cost to the Carer – such as their health and quality of life.
Don’t feel guilty about accepting help from them and push to get the help you need.
Your Dad has probably worked hard all his life and paid his taxes into the system for years. It is now time for the system to play its part in looking after your Dad.
I wanted to write more, but there is so much to say.
So, I am a regular writer with Hubpages and decided to put an article together which you may find useful:
http://rontlog.hubpages.com/hub/What-to-do-when-a-parent-becomes-elderly-ill-and-needs-care-tips-advice-and-sources-of-help
I hope it helps x
Im in exactly the same situation and I understand where you are coming from. Wishing you and your Dad the very best x
ReplyDeleteTYSM Anon xx
DeleteVanessa:
ReplyDeleteI'm not quite where you are, but we have a sick parent in our family, too. You will need to be your own advocate and schedule one afternoon/morning/evening a week where it is only Vanessa-time. Even if all you do is have a bubble bath and drink a glass or two of wine. Even if you spend it on frivolous pursuits like window shopping or watching naughty reality television --- you need to carve a mental break from care taking. It will make you a better care taker of your father, a better wife to your husband, and will preserve the inner you when this situation ends.
Lots of hugs across the ocean to you!
Hi R. Started to do exactly that this week. My time-outs are my yoga +meditation + TV dramas + chocolate +........ and already feeling much better xx
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear, Vanessa and I can relate on some level. I've taken care of very ill friends and family over the past few years and even though I still had my life per se it was totally overwhelming and I did resent it a bit. Feel free to vent and let it all out. It's healthy to do that. You're doing the best you can and you will get through it but that doesn't mean that your reality isn't hellish right now. Your father is very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of hugs, strength and kisses your way! xoxo
TYSM Dawn, Certainly feeling much better this week. Pity-party now officially over ;-) xx
DeleteThanks for taking the time to stop by hun, I hope that you doing okay?
ReplyDeleteMuch better this week Sam. TYSM xx
DeleteVanessa,
ReplyDeleteI have been reading for awhile but today felt compelled to comment. I live far away from all of my family and when something happens to one of them I feel disconnected and heartbroken.
Your choice is both a blessing and perhaps a curse. But mostly a blessing..you get to spend lots of time with your dad! And know that he is being well taken care of! Don't know what is the problem with your sister, but I have one of those too who lives close to my parents but can never seem to do anything for them.
I am praying for you and your mojo, I hope you do not loose your sparkle but find new and different outlets for your talent. You are obviously filled with love because you gave up your life to come and help another. So my dear in that you are blessed, not to mention your wonderful husband who is supportive of your choices.
I am not telling you anything you do not know, just reiterating that life is short and filled with blessings in disguise.
Do the best you can do each day and that is all that matters, we will all be here waiting and cheering you on!
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth TYSM for reaching out; it's SO appreciated xx
DeleteWhen the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.-Psalm 34:17-20
ReplyDeleteThis verse has been my saving grace for the past couple of months. Stay strong and blessed. xo
TYSM. What a beautiful quote you chose x
DeleteOh Vanessa, I am so so sorry to read this! I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you! That's why I won't offer any easy and ready-made advice, I'm just going to send all the positive energy I can muster your way! I really hope you can adjust soon, and find new ways to organize your life and find your mojo again. I keep my fingers crossed for you, and I can't help but admire you. You are a wonderful woman!
ReplyDeleteStay strong!
xx Ivana
Macarons and Pearls
TYSM Ivana. Certainly feeling much better this week. Pity-party now officially over ;-) xx
DeleteI'm so sorry you're going through this hard time. I will pray for your Dad and I hope you and he get your lives back!
ReplyDeletexo
Sharon
TYSM Sharon. Certainly feeling much better this week. Pity-party now officially over ;-) xx
DeleteHi Vanessa, I understand what it is like to devote yourself to taking care of someone ill. Everything you said in your blog is so true, it can be very draining and you do start to lose a little of yourself, but from my experience this will make you stronger. Sometimes in life we are pushed to the limit, and when your pushed to the limit make sure you pray. Your blessed with a wonderful husband and I know you have a lot of faith. These are hard times, we're all going to be there someday....taking care of a sick parent, or sick child, and I will pray for you and your family. We all love you here on your blog and I'm sure there are going to be a lot of prayers going your way. Stay strong my friend. Talk to you soon. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. ❤
ReplyDeleteDee xoxo
TYSM lovely Dee. I know you have been through the mill with parents etc, and your kind words mean the world to me.
ReplyDeletexx
Vanessa, just stopped by to say hello and give you one more virtual hug and say thanks for stopping by the blog this week. After my last comment on this post of yours I was a bit afraid I'd talked a little too much about my experiences instead of just listening to yours, but I wanted you to know that I wasn't just lalala happy all the time and had a bit of experience in the feelings that you mentioned you were having. Take every minute you can to carve out moments just for you, even if they seem small right now. You'll eventually find yourself again, sweet, I just know it! Much love.
ReplyDeleteSANDY M Illustration
http://oohlafroufrou.blogspot.com
Ah, Vanessa... I understand...I nursed my wonderful Dad last year; he sadly died at the end of the year and I am so grateful that my husband and I were able to look after him in his last year, it is a privilege that I am so grateful for.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard and it is so emotional but you will get through this sad time, Vanessa, I am sure and you will be a stronger even lovelier person for it. Take care...thinking of you.
Catherine
xx
Oh, sweetie I'm so sorry to hear this. :( While I've never taken care of ill parents my husband took care of both grandparents until their passing. It was hard on him but he always told me he'd do it again because he got to spend a lot of time with them and they were very good to him and practically raised him as a child when his own birth mother couldn't get herself together.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to feel resentful when a sibling lives 10 mins away and doesn't do much to help. As I get older I'm realizing that everything happens for a divine purpose and sometimes that purpose messes with our plans and our schedule.
I think you are incredibly strong for doing what you are doing and re-arranging your life at this time. Don't let it change your outlook on life! You have a whole long life ahead of you. If you feel completely overwhelmed, would you feel comfortable with creating boundaries? Maybe you agree to do certain things or on certain days but not others as to not let it consume you? I think it's important to make time for yourself and what you love doing and also for your marriage it will be important to take time together and not even discuss what is happening with your dad. Just a thought, I would hate to see this pull you down, you're such a happy and vibrant person. :) Praying for you girl! XO
Oh dear I recognise so much in your words my mother has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's it changes the dynamics suddenly you become the care/parent but it is time for thinking reflecting and your spirit and creativity will return
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ReplyDeleteHELLO FRIEND,
ReplyDeleteI will love to share my testimony to you all the people in world.i got married to my husband about 2 year ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side.i have never love any man in my life except him.he is the father of my child and i don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today.few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken.i called my mom and explain every thing to her,my mother told me about DR..ERIGO how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad i was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other.i was directed to DR.ERIGO on his email: erigospellcaster@gmail.com and explain everything to him,so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband.he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK.So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him.i Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact Dr.ERIGO the great spell caster on his email address: erigospellcaster@gmail.com
I was married for five years with out any child, because of this my husband start acting very strange at home, coming home late and not spending time with me any more. So i became very sad and lost in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so hard for me and my family. my sister in law told me about Priest Babaka from the Internet, how he has helped people with this similar problem(Getting Preggnant) that i am going through so i contacted him and explain to him. he cast a spell and it was a miracle three days later my husband came back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Priest Babaka for saving my relationship and Helping me conceive and for also saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested,contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is: babaka.wolf@gmail.com
ReplyDeletei am here to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted jato for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then he told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he jato casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you jato for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife, lotto spell, lottery spell,soccer bet spell , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend kindly contact him @ jatosolution@hotmail.com or called or whatsapp him at +2347037599478 and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.
ReplyDeleteMy name Sandra from U.S.A. My life is restored for good. I want to share to the world on how Almighty Prophet Iyare the chief of spell casters Helped me reunite my marriage. To cut the long story short, after 2 years of break up with my Husband with no phone calls or email messages. i was so frustrated because i have contacted so many other spell casters with no results. when i read about great Prophet Iyare Yare(The Chief Of spell casters) I never wanted to contact any spell caster because I have being scammed by those who claim to be spell casters ....I decided to contact him in his website because I saw so many testimonies of his help in the the internet. so i contacted him for help. to my greatest surprise, in just 24 hours late my Husband called me and started begging for forgiveness,at first I shed tears because I was shocked! i am now a happy woman with a beautiful baby girl. all thanks to Prophet Iyare. You can contact him directly on his website http://iyareyarespellstemple.webs.com/
ReplyDeleteor email :iyareyaresolutiontemple@gmail.com
his help is assured and guaranteed.
My name is aido Marian, I have been frustrated
ReplyDeletefor the past 2years with my two kids living without my
husband who surprisingly left home with a girl named Sarah
One faithful day a friend of mine came visiting and I told her
about the situation I am in for the past two years, she then
told me about Dr moore. That he is a very powerful man, at
first I never wanted to believe her because I have spent a lot
going to different places but she convinced me so I had no
choice because I really need my husband back. So we
contacted Dr moore who told me all I needed to do which I
doubted. But the greatest joy in me today is that Dr moore
was able to bring my husband back to me and now we are
living happily as never before. Thanks to you Dr moore. If
you have problems of any kind I will advice you to contact
him with this Email (Dr.Moorespellhome@hotmail.com) and
you will never regret it. Thanks to you Dr moore
You can contact him if you have any problem like
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ReplyDeletemy name is Adam.I was recently involved in a relationship which We truly felt the power of love. It was a very happy time in our life,but it was all taken away from us.Myself and Brianna where recently separated early last month due to negativity and evil coming between us and destroying our happiness. I truly love her and care for her with all my heart,and only wish the best and only the best for her. then i contact DR Love Spell Caster(drlovespellcastersolution,drlovesolution@yahoo.com tel:2348038096203) to help me for second chance in order to fix this problem between me and Brianna because I wish Brianna and I can come together and share that happiness and love that we once truly felt for each other.I truly feel that she is my true love for life.
i've prayed for forgiveness for my negativity towards her and for her negativity to be recognized with in herself.As we are both at fault. I am more at fault than she is though,I know I was unfair and now I recognize it and I regret it. We both push each other away, evil and negativity,jealousy had pushed us so far apart,not sure if this can even be fixed?then Dr Love reply me not to worry that everything will be fixed between two days and ansure me of success that me and Brianna will be back together again because I made a huge mistake by having the negativity take over me and I was scared and frightened,after i explain my situation to DR LOVE and how i wish i have her back in my arms Dr Love told me she will come back to me in couple of Days so i was waiting till next day to hear from brianna after DR LOVE ansure me that she will be back to me between 2 days,on the second day i saw Brianna at my front door and she give me warm hug and kiss so since then we are together as we were in the beginning we felt like there was no one else in the world because we both felt truly complete when we were together thanks to Dr Love .